March 29, 2017
Watching paint dry. A phrase invented to describe the most boring activities known to mankind. Thus am I being painfully reminded of the reasons I never do my nails. I have things to do! Important things! Things I was avoiding which is why I painted my nails in the first place! Sadly, I am committed now. That’ll teach me.
October 9, 2016
According to my friends and family, my cellphone is the equivalent of a rotary-dial phone wearing eighties-superhero spandex. It gets the job done, so I feel bad retiring it but someday, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow…but someday, I will be the proud owner of a pretty and powerful Chris Evans-holding-onto-a-helicopter cellphone…which I’ll forget I have and leave in my purse too.
Sorry ’bout that in advance.
June 16, 2016
My version of ‘breaking’ the internet? Hitting the refresh button on my near-obsolete technology. System crash followed by a twenty-minute wait after rebooting? Yeah, sounds about right.
My favored, yet false, delusion that a superhero or heroes will appear to do my dishes, my yard work, my laundry, my vehicle maintenance, and sundry chores before locking the door on their way out so I can take a nap.
December 28, 2015
Resolutions…I made some of those at the beginning of this year. Hmm…I should probably get on that.
She was leaning back in the chair indolently when he approached, her eyes watching the unfolding drama before her with amused interest. “Aren’t you going to try to stop them?” He asked hesitantly. “Why would I want to do that?” A ringing slap was heard and he winced. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that …
Who am I cooking for? It can’t be me. That’s for sure! That entrée was nearly poisonous. And all my good intentions turn to dust As I’m chewing stale bread crusts. I’m scared to look in the crisper drawer Because I’m ashamed, but I won’t lie, It’s where Swiss chard goes to putrefy. Those recipes that …
“Is he still upset about the elevator thing?” The agent asked the assistant. “Oh! Well, no, not exactly. Although I wouldn’t suggest bringing it up. He’s brooding over his appointment with his fitness coordinator.” “You mean…him? His nemesis?” There was a smile in the agent’s voice. “But of course. He scheduled a video conference and …
Ah, Spring. My favorite season of the year. When everything turns green, the birds sing, the weather is perfect and s.h.o.d. tries to bump me off. When I say my house is out to get me I hardly exaggerate at all (okay, maybe a little) but there’s only so many coincidences you can take before …
One day, while sitting on his throne high above the earth in the clouds on high, Zeus was eating his usual of ambrosia and nectar. He glanced down to the earth below and watched the lives of men for entertainment. It was one of his favorite past times. Bathing was the other and he had …