One day, while sitting on his throne high above the earth in the clouds on high, Zeus was eating his usual of ambrosia and nectar. He glanced down to the earth below and watched the lives of men for entertainment. It was one of his favorite past times. Bathing was the other and he had a problem. He needed to oversee the building of his new bathtub.
Everyone on Mt. Olympus seemed to have better things to do and Zeus was put out. How dare they have lives apart from taking care of his every whim? No matter. He still needed a bathtub. He slumped over on his throne once again, disappointed, when he spotted a great sculptor who made everything with god-like workmanship. Problem solved! Zeus did his do-diligence and learned his name was Sandy Beaches.
Sandy had a great wish to travel all over the world, but, alas, he was poor and couldn’t afford a cruise or round trip airfare. Instead, he continued to work on another of his masterpieces and dreamed of far away destinations. As he was working the clouds grew dark and lightning flashed. He cowered to the ground. Had he managed to offend one of the gods?
“Sandy Beaches!” Zeus bellowed as he stubbed his toe on a large piece of marble.
“Yes,” squeaked Sandy, scared out of his mind.
Zeus appeared startled as if he had forgotten what he was doing. Once he recollected himself, he puffed out his chest and tried to look intimidating. It wasn’t hard. “Do you do bathtubs?”
“Please don’t kill me! I mean…what? Did you say bathtubs?” Sandy’s eyes widened in amazement.
“Yes, yes,” Zeus said impatiently. “Do you?”
“Of course! But…why?”
Zeus sighed a kingly sigh and spoke, “Ares is playing his music for some human girl and I need a replacement until he gets bored, okay? I threw the old one down to earth already and I’m getting a little ripe.”
Not waiting for Sandy’s reply, Zeus swept him up to Mt. Olympus and set him to work. Sandy used all sorts of beautiful stones and materials for his masterpiece. He chiseled the marble and worked and worked as the sweat gathered on his brow. The chips from the quartz fell sparkling to the world below until finally he was done.
The day was hot and Sandy was exhausted and sweaty. Surely Zeus wouldn’t mind if he tried out the wonderful bathtub he’d worked so hard on. Ahh, he thought, this was the life. He soaked in the cool water, and then grew melancholy. He still felt unfulfilled! How he longed to travel!
Zeus, bored with watching humans on his throne, decided to check on the progress of his new bathtub. Horror! Lamentations! A mere human was soaking in it! The nerve of some people!
“Sandy Beaches!” Zeus bellowed once more, and Sandy knew that it was all over. Zeus was gathering lightning to his palm. Well, thought Sandy, at least he’d get to see the world, although maybe not all in one piece. There was an expectant silence, and Sandy decided he should get out of the tub before he got all pruny. Leaping out with a splash, he ran out of the palace amid womanly screams and sighs before promptly falling through a cloud.
“What a waste,” Zeus said as he shook his head in regret. He was only planning to destroy the tub and have him start over, and the stupid fellow had gone and gotten himself killed. Now how was he supposed to get a new bathtub? Still, the young man had been a hard worker. Zeus called down the lightning once more and in a bit of pitying kindness he decided to join every piece of Sandy to every piece of the bathtub that had fallen to earth in the process of making the ill-fated tub.
And so it was that Sandy, who had longed with all his heart to travel, received his fondest wish. Zeus was indeed kind if he did say so himself-even though Hera said he needed to work on his foul language. Nowadays, whenever you travel to the coast, wherever you are, you can see Sandy Beaches.
If you look closely, when the sun is shining bright, he may just wink at you.
(This little story was actually something I wrote in Junior High for a mythology unit. I cleaned it up a little bit, but I thought it was fun so I decided to post it. I’d really like to travel to Greece someday, but in the meantime, this particular picture of ‘Sandy Beaches’ is from somewhere in Florida.)