I think I must have The Hobbit on the brain because my dream started out with me at the mall hoping to get tickets to the movie, but of course it was much too late and they were all sold out. Instead, the person I’m with, who I’ve never met before in my life, decides they know where Richard Armitage parks his car. Bad idea I’m thinking, but of course I go along to keep them out of trouble, like all good friends do before they go to prison, wringing my hands and wondering why does Richard Armitage park his car in a quarry next to the mall? There are piles of dirt everywhere and we are tramping along, going up and down, and one of them starts crumbling onto this silver sports car and buries the front end.
I am suddenly alone, of course, having been abandoned by the friend I don’t know, and it turns out that the car belongs to Richard’s agent (we’ll call him Agent X) and I start bowing and apologizing to him in poor Japanese. In the middle of my abject apology Richard Armitage shows up and tells me that as punishment for ruining Agent X’s car I have to teach a class with him. As Richard and Agent X herd me towards the mall, my panic starts to rise, and I must be having flashbacks from my time in Japan because all I can think is that I’m not prepared, and I don’t have a lesson plan. I start looking behind me, but Agent X is there guarding against my escape, and Richard is in front looking stern so I resign myself and trudge along behind him into the classroom.
My eyes are scanning around, looking for an exit, and I notice my students are the dwarves from The Hobbit. School marm Richard hands me The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, unabridged, and tells me I have five minutes. Five minutes. Now I’m really scared and the seconds are counting down and I still don’t have a lesson plan. The ground starts to tilt beneath my feet and the dwarves start singing when my alarm starts ringing and I wake up, sweating and relieved I don’t have to teach Shakespeare to a bunch of dwarves. The next thought I have, once I’m no longer in danger of a heart attack, is that this dream was almost as weird as the one where Bruce Willis made an appearance on a pirate ship, defending the last orange on board with his life because he didn’t want scurvy. Amused, I couldn’t help but feel that perhaps this quote says it best, truncated though it is:
“If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream.”
– William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream