The ad read as follows:
Attractive middle-aged mother of two seeks
tickets from relationship with actor Richard Armitage. I have recently swapped my obsession for sparkly vampires and fit werewolves for short hairy dwarves like my ex-husband because dwarves make more money and are more age appropriate. My boys need tickets a father. I’m a brilliant cook and like the series North & South excessively. Please don’t contact me directly as I’m quite shy and my children need to give their approval first. I’m sure tickets to The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies will win them over. Cheers!
“Do you think Mum will be brassed off when she sees this?” The two grubby little boys exchanged an uneasy look before the eldest shrugged.
“Only if it doesn’t work,” he said before he grinned and clicked the mouse.
(No unsuspecting mothers or actors were harmed in the writing of this little comedy-I can’t say the same for the accent, so my apologies for that.)